Optometrists Give New 1-800 CONTACTS Venture Two Thumbs Up

This blog was originally written as a satirical April fools post in 2015 and is intended for humor.

New developments from 1-800 CONTACTS are sending shockwaves through the industry. With the help of optometrists from around the nation, 1-800 CONTACTS has announced the creation of a new 1-800 Number business, which was founded on the strong relationship between ODs and 1-800 Contacts.

1-800 CONTACTS believes this new venture will rival their already successful online contact lens ordering service in how they delight ODs on a daily basis.

1-800 ContactsThis all got started when 1-800 CONTACTS representatives were getting more than they expected when they would call and fax ODs throughout the day to half-validate prescription information. Many ODs were actually bonding with the person on the other end of the phone and started to look forward to the daily calls. Their appreciation for 1-800 CONTACTS didn’t go unnoticed, but the calls are now taking longer than expected, often lasting 30 minutes or more – purely spent chatting about life. In a relationship that has been strained for so long, 1-800 CONTACTS saw this as a breakthrough. 

This new phone number will connect to call center employees who will ensure that every OD has the opportunity to talk to someone about what's on their minds. Think of it as a therapist on speed dial, and one that really relates to and understands the needs of today’s busy OD. ODs are already expressing their excitement about this news: 

“Whether going through a tough break-up, financial strain, or poor physical condition, I know that they will be there,” said one OD. “Plus, it is scientifically proven that talking with someone about your problems is extremely healing. 1-800 CONTACTS has to call me so much since they are filling my patients’ prescriptions so I might as well get the most out of those calls. It’s a real win-win.”

“Without 1-800 Contacts calling me randomly throughout the day, I don’t know who I would talk to about my problems.”

Although not a single call center representative is a licensed professional, they firmly believe they can still perform the job at the same level as a licensed professionals. 1-800 CONTACTS expects that this new call center will truly revolutionize the therapy world. No more annoying waiting rooms and no more complex mumbo jumbo from so-called professionals. Instead, it’s just you and a random call center representative, laying it all out on the table one problem at a time. 

“Without a business like this, I don’t know how I would find the time to see a therapist, it’s like killing two birds with one stone,” explained one excited OD. 

The new therapy company will eventually serve all medical fields so that any physician who needs a shoulder to cry on, or and a hand to hold, has one available. But the relationships with ODs is what spurred this innovation and is where the business will start. 

We all need someone to talk to and 1-800 CONTACTS sees an opportunity to fill that void. What started as a relationship of necessity, ODs and the 1-800 CONTACTS representatives, has quickly turned into friendships and even more rapidly blossoming into a true love story.

We want to hear how you feel about this new offering from 1-800 CONTACTS. Share a comment and maybe they will see it. If you’re like other ODs, we’re sure you will only have rave reviews for 1-800 CONTACTS!  

NOTE: This article is purely satirical and is intended for humor. Any resemblance to the truth, which you shouldn’t find whatsoever, is purely coincidental and should not be confused with fact.

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